Something really funny happened to me today and I wanted to email everyone I know about it, but decided blogging it would just be easier.

So, you guys know how I hate it when people squat in the bathroom and then spray pee everywhere and don’t wipe it up? If you didn’t know, I hate it, it makes me violent. Either SIT on the toilet, or wipe up after yourself you disgusting heathens! Kills me.

Anyway.

Another thing you might know about it me is that I really love, and I mean love, when really fancy ladies bust out the F bomb. It makes me giddily happy. It’s always so unexpected and refreshing.

Additionally, I also love accents. A lot. Any kind of accent. I wish I had one.

Keep all these things in mind.

So, I went to the bathroom just before leaving work today, and there was an elegantly dressed older woman entering at the same time as me.

We smile politely at each other and she asks me in her lovely German accent if I’m ready to go home. I mutter enthusiastically that I am, and we go about our business.

We both notice, separately, that the first two stalls are littered with urine because of ignoramus squatters with no decency, so we settle into the third and fourth stalls. Usually I’ll clean it up, but this would have been the fourth time I’d done so today and I was tired of wiping up other people’s pee.

So I’m settling onto my pee-less seat when the woman loudly exclaims in the thickest German accent I’ve heard in awhile “What do these people do? Leave their fucking assholes at home? RIDICULOUS!!”

I died.

If you don’t think that’s funny, that’s fine, but I assure you that it was hilarious to me and put me in an instantly good mood.

Now I’m going to go drink beers with a friend I haven’t seen in far too long and forget about the slightly melodramatic place I was in last night.

Auf Wiedersehen!

I’m not doing confessions. Those are so overdone. I’m just admitting things to you that I wish weren’t true.

Cougartown is my favorite show (today). It’s highly underrated, people.

I think I’m dead inside. Over the years I’ve gone from softy, gets her heart broken every five minutes chick to ‘bitch I will cut you’. Practically overnight, too. I have my reasons though. I may write about it soon.

Correction, I won’t cut anyone. I only point that out so you won’t think I’m murderous, but I want to seem tough and just stick with the previous statement

While reading 50 Shades of Grey, I dreamed of Christian Grey every single night for at least a week. I also liked it.

I haven’t cried in as long as I can remember (see dead inside thing), but all the season finales I’ve watched lately have me pretty close. Nothing gets me emotional like my TV shows. If you cut off my cable, I think I would go into epileptictic shock. I told you, this is about admitting things that I really don’t want to be true.

Sometimes I see myself doing dramatic things, because I’m a dramatic person, and think I’m doing them only for show – but I’m not – I’m just a dramatic person. I think being dramatic shows that you have… gumption, soul, balls. I think I’m strong. I like myself for it. And I don’t mean dramatic because there’s marinara sauce on the carpet. I mean dramatic because life is almost always hard, and unfair, and that should be acknowledged – not ignored. Serious moment of the post, moving on.

I think I’m really good at being a friend and confidant. That’s cocky, but I said it anyway.

I used to really care what people thought about me, and if people liked me, but lately I truly just do not give a shit. Truly.

Anything you’re hesitant to admit?

The mom visit has come and gone, and I have to say it went much better than expected.

It makes me sad that spending time with my mom tends to cause me anxiety, but some of the conversations we had this weekend helped to alleviated those feelings.

We do pretty well when we’re one on one, and we were able to lay some things out on the table that we’ve never been truly honest about up until this point.

The weekend was fairly laid back. We had two nice dinners (Acadiana and Station 4) with Mr. T, who she loved, of course. There isn’t a family member that man has not wooed. It’s kind of ridiculous.

Saturday we spent our time shopping at Eastern Market and in Georgetown. Shopping has always been something we were good at, even back in the day when we barely got along.

I helped her pick out a really nice bag, and she may have gifted me with a few items as well. Kind of counter-intuitive for Mother’s Day, but she says she enjoys it so who am I to argue? She’s also one to host dinner for everyone on her birthday because she loves to cook. She’s a very generous lady.

I was able to treat her to one dinner and brunch at Old Ebbitt on Sunday, and she said she had a really good time in DC so I felt good about my daughterly contributions.

Another benefit of the weekend, besides seeing my dear mother, was waking up both Saturday and Sunday completely without hangover. Considering the activities that have filled the previous three weeks of my life, I had almost forgotten what that felt like.

Not having to relegate myself to the couch with a never-ending supply of carbs opened up a world of possibilities for my Sunday afternoon.

My mom had mentioned that I could “use some sun” after taking one peak at my pale legs (in the nicest way possible, I assure you), so I made a point of getting some after she left. Then I went to yoga, and about passed out afterward.

I was confused because the class wasn’t even particularly hard, until I disrobed for my shower to see my entire body speckled with heat rash.

I used to live outside when I was younger and this never happened. I must be getting weak in my old age.

I know, the sun is bad. I suppose I’ll never learn.

To remedy the situation, I scarfed down a chicken burger before moving on to my real dinner of beer and ice cream. In between bites/drinks, I pressed the cold items on my inflamed skin to reduce the swelling.

The rash is mostly gone today, so I think my plan worked. Beer and ice cream – the solution to all life’s woes.

Despite my unfortunate skin malady, this weekend really lifted my spirits. It’s not that they’ve been particularly low, but my family situation always lends a certain amount of darkness to my mood because it never feels resolved.

There are still a lot of issues and things that could be better, but the honesty and joy that I saw in my mom this weekend gave me more peace than I’ve felt in a while.

I’m hoping to carry that peace with me as I try to stop eating every food item that comes within my grasp. For those of you who know me, anything that might resemble the D word makes me incredibly irritable, but something’s really got to give at this point.

I’ve been trying and failing to get back on track for like six months now, so I’m starting to wonder if there’s any hope. I think I need to hire someone to follow me around and swat cookies out of my hand.

And, because this post could not have been more random and disjointed, I’m going to stop now. I blame Monday, rain and muffins. (Don’t ask.)

I was kind of lying the other day when I said I don’t have anything left to look forward to.

Of course, last weekend will be incredibly tough to beat, but there are several upcoming events that make me wet myself a little with excitement.

I’m the kind of person who plans with vigor, so there’s always something on the horizon. That, and I get really depressed if I don’t have fun things to look forward to, so I go out of my way to make them happen.

And because I have nothing to blog about and I know you guys are SO interested, I’m going to share them. Contain yourselves.

First off, I’m meeting Kelly for a little lunch rendezvous today. I’m proud of us for hanging out more than once in a month. In all the time we’ve lived in the same state, I don’t think that’s ever happened.

Also, my mom is coming to visit this weekend. I won’t lie and say all I feel about that is excited. There is definitely some trepidation mixed in as well. But, I am really happy I’ll be with her on Mother’s Day and that she’s in good enough health to fly out to see me. That hasn’t always been the case. I’ve booked us reservations at some fun places, and we have plans to do some shopping and set up a small herb garden on my balcony. The woman loves to garden.

Then, I’m REALLY looking forward to having a couple of weekends without plans. I need a Saturday sleep-in in a bad way. I have some random plans here and there to see a play and catch up with friends but for the most part, things will be more relaxed. I think I’m even going to stay home for Memorial Day. It will be my first long weekend since moving here that I’m not busy. I may just live at the pool that weekend.

Speaking of the pool, I’m also really looking forward to that. We have a small rooftop pool area in our apartment complex and I’m planning to be there as often as possible. It’s the next best thing to the beach. Kelly has promised to join me (or as she so lovingly says – use me for my pool), so I’m going to hold her to that. I like company when basking in the sun.

I’m also looking forward to a lot of musical fun this summer, starting with a Modest Mouse show next month and ending with the best festival lineup of all time in July. Seriously, if I could just live at a music festival, I’d do it. I’d also like to start catching more random shows here and there, especially now that I live close to several good venues.

There will also be a day-long wine festival adventure in early June that is sure to be amazing, and then sure to kill me shortly thereafter. As far as day drinking goes, I have discovered wine to be the worst poison one can pick. And yes, I could spit, but that’s just wasteful.

In August, I’m heading to NYC to see my brother and SIL and mother. It will only be my second time in the city, and I’m pumped. I haven’t seen my brother and SIL since Thanksgiving aside from an 18 hour tease visit in Las Vegas. I miss them. They used to be basically the only people I hung out with and they took me cool places and taught me wine (read: bought wines I couldn’t afford and allowed me to drink them). I almost send the SIL a text message every other day begging her to come visit, but I know they can’t. Wah.

Then, I’ll end the summer by taking Mr. T to my Okie homeland to meet the family members and friends who haven’t made a trip out here yet. People always lightheartedly (I think) make fun of me for being from such a “boring state” but I’m excited to show an outsider the real Oklahoma. It’s not all that bad! There are like five cool places AND SONIC. Recognize.

Then, the thing that makes the whole year worth living starts – college football.

Throw in a potential Virgin Island vacation, a New England get together with my sister wives, and two trips home for the holidays during the winter, and I’d say I have plenty to look forward to, lots of money to save, and a lots of sleep to get so I’ll have the energy for it all.

Anything you’re looking forward to lately?

Do you think people planning this far in advance are crazy? Because I probably am.

* Sorry my pictures are so massive in Google Reader. I’ll try to resize them when I get home. They show up normally on the blog, so I didn’t know it was a problem until just now.

One of the benefits of having awesome blogger friends, is that they know the importance of a good meal. When the girls and I were planning our DC weekend, Steph ensured us that we HAD to eat at Founding Farmers.

This place is on the mile-long restaurant list that Mr. T and I are trying to conquer. He was quite jealous when I told him I’d be dining at this long-awaited establishment.

When we arrived, the girls and I were tired, hungover and not in the best of spirits. But when I walked in and smelled the delicious meaty aromas of the restaurant and heard Coconut Records playing on the speakers, I knew we had chosen a good spot.

We couldn’t get reservations for a proper dinner time, so we made due by eating lunch/dinner at 4:45 p.m. This turned out to be perfect timing for our weary souls. In fact, we were early.

So we cozied up to the bar and ordered drinks. No better way to cure a hangover than with a fancy cocktail.

I had the Farmer’s Fizz made with some sort of gin, St. Germaine, and prosecco. It was very refreshing, although the gin kind of overpowered the St. Germaine and prosecco’s flavors.

After waiting awhile, we were seated in a well-lit corner in the back, and our very adorable server with a very lovely accent came over to acquaint us with the menu. She was very attentive and helpful. I had heard that service was spotty at Founding Farmers, but my experience was quite  the opposite.

Steph insisted that we try the homemade corn bread and fried green tomatoes as appetizers, and I was more than happy to accommodate that request as those are two of my favorite southern dishes.

The cornbread couldn’t have been any better. I loved the whole corn kernels and the olive oil butter (or whatever it was). So good.

I was kind of disappointed in the fried green tomatoes, but not enough to keep from eating a whole one. The flavors were good and the sauces complimented them well, but I wish the batter would have been lighter. When things are fried in a heavy batter, it’s hard to taste anything but… fried. A light, crispy batter – perhaps a beer batter – would have suited my tastes a little better.

For my entree, I knew exactly what I wanted: carbs, covered in carbs, topped with a carb sauce, with a side of carbs. Oh, and maybe a little red meat.

So, that’s what I had. I went with the Yankee Pot Roast, which is a signature dish at Founding Farmers, and a side of macaroni and cheese.

The meat was wonderfully tender, the gravy was rich and flavorful and the fried onions were a surprisingly fun addition.

Surprisingly, I was least impressed with the mashed potatoes, which you couldn’t really taste due to the overwhelmingly good gravy and the varying textures of the onions, meat and vegetables; and the mac and cheese, which turned out to be kind of ordinary.

I was completely stuffed before my entree even arrived, but I managed to make it through more than half of the food before giving in.

I was so full I couldn’t even manage a bite of the beignets we’d had the foresight to order in the middle of our meal. Why do I always do this to myself? I have zero self control and I eat until I’m sick, and then I can’t eat dessert – which is the best part!

I had one leftover the next day though, and it was still fabulous. Next time, I’ll go with one entree and forgo the unnecessary side of carbs and cheese so I can get dessert in the belly.

All in all, I was ecstatic that I had the chance to try Founding Farmers with such a great group of girls.

And, being the selfless girlfriend that I am, I’ll probably make the sacrifice of going again with Mr. T just so he won’t feel left out.

I’m such a good person.

The worst thing about really looking forward to something, is the sad and empty feeling that settles in immediately after that something is over.

Okay, hungover and exhausted may be the predominant things I’m feeling – but sad and empty works too. (How seductive does Jess look in that photo? I love it.)

Kelly, Steph, Amy and Jess arrived at my apartment Friday afternoon, and we hit the ground running in what was one of the best weekends of, well – all time.

A lot happened.

A lot of food was eaten.

A lot of drinks were drank.

We talked about every single thing a group of girls could ever think to talk about.

Here are some of the highlights in pictures (most of which I stole from Kelly because I only take pictures of water and equally inanimate objects):

Living in a new city far away from my friends can get pretty lonely. I’d forgotten how fun it is to go out with a great group of girls, laugh, be as inappropriate as possible and wind up eating pizza at the wee hours of the morning singing at the top of our lungs.

I’d also forgotten the pain that can result from such activities. Pain that is well worth it, but that causes a slightly haggard appearance (on my part).

The only solution to a hangover that won’t die is a huge meal, more booze, and then a solid night in with wine, snacks and the Lion King.

I was on a mission all weekend to alleviate the severe paleness I’ve been afflicted with since entering the working world, but that didn’t really happen. Instead we got rained on a few times, and I became obsessed with fountain photography.

My transparent skin looks lovely in the dark, by a dimly lit fountain. I’ve also decided that I may have a future in iPhone Fountain Photography. Thoughts?

I realize that was a totally random aside, but I really do love those pictures.

So, now I just have to find something else to look forward to to ease my newfound empty nest syndrome. I’m going to start with a good night’s sleep.

The past three weekends, I’ve averaged about four hours of sleep total, and the week nights haven’t been much better. Sleep would be life changing right now.

After that, I’m looking forward to detoxing a bit. I’ve been eating and drinking pretty much every thing that comes within five feet of me lately, so perhaps I should cut back.

Wow, those are really lame things to look forward to.

I want my friends back.

Speaking of time, I recently spent some of it at a concert festival – namely, the Sweetlife Food & Music Festival.

I’ve kind of been disappointed at the music scene in and around DC so far, but when I saw that the lineup for Sweetlife Fest included Explosions in the Sky,  knew I had to go.

I’ve always wanted to lie outside in the grass, eyes closed, and listen to their music. It was everything I wanted it to be.

But first, there were some other bands. They kicked off the show with newly successful indie pop band, Fun.

I fell prey to their hit single “We Are Young” when it first came out, but once I heard a few of their other songs and heard that the lead singer was formerly of The Format, I decided they were worth showing up at noon for.

Also, as it turns out, that lead singer is also very easy on the eyes. He looks like a cross between Val Kilmer and Mark Wahlberg, with pretty fantastic floopy hair. Gotta love a guy with floopy hair.

Also, guy’s got pipes. Real talent. It was a good show and I wish it wouldn’t have been so early and cold so they would have had a better turnout.

After they finished up, we checked out some of the lesser known acts on the second stage. First up was Haim, a group of three sisters with some really righteous drum skills and delightful potty mouths. I liked them.

We also checked out an adorable Malaysian indie pop singer – Yuna – with an amazing voice.

In between all the music, we grubbed on taquitos from Jose Andres’ new food truck, Pepe.

It was a chilly day, so cold beer wasn’t the most appealing option. Instead, I had red wine.

This, in retrospect, was an awful idea. By the times the Shins took the stage, I was slightly off my A game. Then it started to rain, so we left.

It felt really good to spend a day doing nothing but listening to music, enjoying the outdoors, and interacting with people. It makes me even more excited about this festival, which I’ll be checking out in a few months. It’s been far too long since I’ve seen my beloved Wayne.

Are you going to any music fests this summer? 

One of the main differences I’ve encountered during the transition from an Oklahoma girl, to a Virginia girl, to a girl working in Virginia and living in D.C. is all the additional time I’ve suddenly been afforded.

Back home (I think Oklahoma will always be “home), I filled my days to the brim with responsibilities – in the ever present search for purpose. I took on part-time jobs, running, anything to give me a feeling of contentment that was never realized.

I was busy, but miserably so.

When I moved to Virginia, I was completely enraptured in a new life that was exciting, vibrant and kept me constantly on my toes. I was continually meeting new people, engaging in new activities, getting lost and finding my way.

I was busy, but much less miserable.

In both of these scenarios, even when I was stressed out and unhappy, I always felt justified in maxing out my time. After all, only lazy people aren’t busy, I subconsciously told myself.

Now, almost a year after leaving Oklahoma, I seem to have stepped off the hamster wheel I’ve been furiously spinning, and I’m reeling and dizzy and disoriented.

I think I’ve mentioned before that one of my pet peeves is people who make themselves busier than they need to be, and then whine about it. I may have tried to avoid the whining aspect (and failed occasionally) but I was definitely guilty of falling prey to my own pet peeve. I made myself busier than I needed to be, for no reason other than my own neuroses.

We all have the choice to decide how busy we are or aren’t going to be. You can argue and say that we don’t and I know every circumstance is different, but it usually does all come down to choice.

Most of the time, we set up arbitrary goals and schedules in our heads that only need to be met because we want them to, not because they are mandatory.

It was that trap that I’ve fallen into over and over again. It’s my default, to believe that if I’m not stressed then I’m not productive.

Since quitting my last job, moving in with Mr. T and more or less just becoming acclimated to a non-Oklahoma way of life – I’ve suddenly found myself enveloped in a whole lot of extra time.

My first response wasn’t to be excited by it, but overwhelmed. What to do with ALL THIS TIME?!

I never said I was a logical person, did I?

During a discussion with Mr. T last week, okay an argument – those happen occasionally when you live together, he mentioned that he was having difficulty dealing with the fact that I constantly schedule and plan so much into a day.

At first, I had the typical knee-jerk reaction of defensiveness and a “who do you think you are, telling me how to live MY life!?” kind of attitude, but then I thought about it, and he was quite right.

As a defense mechanism against my own flawed idea that having free time equals sucking at life, I had begun to cram sometimes important but oftentimes pointless activities into each and every day.

But because I’m always willing to accept the fact that I might not be perfect, I took Mr. T’s words to heart and have been trying very hard to just embrace this slower pace.

This doesn’t mean that I’m sleeping in until noon every day and eating bonbons, or that I’ll ever abandon my beloved Google calendar, but it means I’ve unwashed my brain from thinking I have to be doing something all the time.

The result has been an increased awareness and ability to think freely and more clearly. A mundane experience like walking home from yoga, when I can feel the cool air blow around me and hear street musicians playing in the distance, makes me feel happier and more fulfilled than any of the never-ending, self-enforced tasks I could have been muddling through instead.

It’s something that’s going to take practice for me. I feel much more settled when I have a long to-do list and an order for my day, so I know I’ll never abandon the art of planning all together.

But I am glad that I’ve now given myself the opportunity to accept the un-busy periods and fill them with a glass of wine and a book, or another few pages of my short story – something that is decided in the moment and not dictated by an iron-fist schedule.

I think this could be quite revolutionary for an illogical lady like myself.

I don’t know why I’m still having such a difficult time adjusting to my new lifestyle.

I guess difficult isn’t the right word. I think the truth is that I just feel really awkward about how much I like it.

I feel spoiled, and undeserving of this new, relatively uncomplicated existence.

I have to keep reminding myself that I’m not spoiled, because I got myself here. I had to make a lot of ballsy moves to do it, and I should just be proud of it and move on.

But it still makes me feel strange. I don’t like to talk about it, because it sounds boastful. I’ll get there though, and then I’m sure I’ll be posting more frequently than any of you would prefer.

So here are some updates until I adjust further.

I’m feeling very far away from my family these days. I got to see my dad in Vegas last month and I’ll see my mom in a few weeks here, but I haven’t been back to Oklahoma since Christmas. I miss my people. On top of that, my grandmother is in the hospital dealing with the aftermath of some chest pain. I’m incredibly concerned, but they ruled out heart attack and she is feeling better. If you’re the praying type, any and all would be appreciated.

I came up with a concept for my short story and I’ve written two and half pages. I actually like the topic I’ve chosen to write about, but it will take some research and stepping outside of my usual writing boundaries if I’m going to make it work. We’ll see how it goes.

I’m doing a lot of entertaining in the next three weeks. Tonight Mr. T’s brother and SIL are coming over for drinks. Next weekend is a fabulous girls weekend that I could not be more excited about. Then my mom comes for mother’s day, and we’re planning to have Mr. T’s parents over the weekend after that. I think I need hostess tips. I’ve never really done it before.

Cooking for a boyfriend’s mother is terrifying. Am I right?

I’m still doing a lot of yoga, and with the change in schedule, I’ve been able to settle into a pretty stable workout routine – cardio three times a week, weights three times a week, yoga two to three times a week. I haven’t really lost weight, but I think I’m a lot fitter than I have been in awhile. That could have a lot to do with all the walking I do now that I’m carless as well. I climb like, a bajillion stairs most days. So. that’s pretty cool.

After a month or so of living with a boy, things are still going really well. Not perfect. But well. I’m learning a lot.

That’s all I’ve got right now, but with all that’s on the horizon surely I’ll have things to write about in the near future.

Happy weekend!

You all had a lot of splendid advice regarding my writing conundrum. You were right in so many ways.

I am too hard on myself.

I do think too much.

I do ramble too much on the blog.

I need to just keep reading as much as a can and writing as much as I can (which means I need to begin writing again, since I haven’t written a word off the blog in months.)

I need to get over the fear of failing, and just do.

In writing that post, I noticed that I have a really hard time admitting to people that I want to write.

Growing up, I always felt it was a silly notion and worried that I would be ridiculed for wanting to be a writer. It shouldn’t matter what people think, but a lot of things that don’t matter have the power to shape the things we do and don’t do in life.

I now realize that people don’t care if I do or don’t write, and that even if they do or don’t, it doesn’t really matter.

I now have a renewed feeling motivation and I’m excited to be around people both in my real life and virtual life that encourage me to keep going.

So you’d think I spent the whole weekend writing, right? Nope, not even one word.

Instead, I went to Atlantic City for Mr. T’s sister-in-law’s birthday. This was my second time visiting, and it was a much more enjoyable experience.

We stayed on the boardwalk, did some shopping, drank a lot, ate a little and ended the night dancing like fools in the nearly-empty “club” at our hotel.

I consider it research for my next story. Please pause for several gratuitous photos.

Cool, landmark-y place we had dinner. It was good.

All dressed up in garb more conservative than most of the women twice my age in the establishment. I was out of place. Well, until my third glass of wine when I told the story of what went down at the SIL’s 30th birthday party and pissed off the fancy lady sitting next to me.

I can be both matronly and offensive at the same time. I consider this an accomplishment?

40 ounce beers for $9. I’d never had a “forty” before. A true experience.

Let it also be noted that I suck horribly at documenting my travels via photograph. I also won $50, lost $20 and barely slept. Oh, and I never stepped foot near the ocean. It’s really not that pretty there anyway.

Fun times. Moving along.

This week, the plan is to finish the two books I’m reading, one I just started and one I’ve been trying to finish for about six months, and come up with a concept for a short story that I WILL write in the next two months.

A short story is approachable, even if the end result sucks. I can do it.

The deadline is June 23^rd, and I will let at least one person read it, which will be a huge step for me. I’ve never let anyone but teachers read my writing, other than what I post here.

I also have a list of several nonfiction books and writing instruction books I am going to delve into to push myself into a deeper level.

I’m going to have to figure out how to continue writing on this blog and writing on my own. It might be a bumpy process, but I’m hoping some creative energy spills over and makes its way here.

That, or I’ll post more pictures of me and booze and write about things I care about far more than you do. You’re all used to that by now, anyway.