I’ve been single for a really, really, really long time.
And now I’m not.
There were some flings and some short-lived romances, but ever since my engagement ended I’ve been living up my singlehood and loving (almost) every minute of it.
Then, earlier this summer I reunited with someone from my past.
We had always had slight crushes on each other, but we were both in relationships at the time.
Six years later we discovered that we were both single, living in the same city and things sort of fell into place (slowly, with a few bumps along the way).
I like him a lot (I really, really do), and I’m happy to move into the next stage in my life (I really, really am), but I’m struggling with the idea of losing my “single” status.
Not because I want to date other people, but because I feel like using the terms “in a relationship” or “coupled” could lead to a loss of everything I worked so hard to build up in the past three years.
During those years I never had to define who I was by who I was with, or what someone else thought of me.
I was just who I wanted to be – and my actions and feelings belonged to me and me alone.
When you’re single for long enough, you get used to hearing certain questions over and over.
“You’re still not dating anyone?!”
“So, do you want to die alone?”
“You’re cute, surely there’s someone out there that wants to date you.”
And as much as those comments might send some people running into the arms of the nearest single man they can find – I had the opposite reaction.
I loathe when people who think relationships define who we are – and that we are incomplete without them.
If you never take the time to fall in love with yourself and your life alone, you can never fully share yourself with someone else. I believe that to be 100% factual.
And I guess now I feel like I’m selling out and giving in to what everyone has wanted from me all along.
Now I’m in a relationship, so I’m no longer the “pathetic one”.
I’m no longer the third wheel.
I have a plus one.
My parents can stop wondering if maybe I don’t even like boys. (I’m pretty sure this thought has crossed their minds more than once.)
But I want to state this here: since my lack of singlehood has been stated elsewhere (ahem, Facebook)…
Even though my relationship status has changed, I have not.
I’m happy, thrilled even, to have found someone who may or may not be “the one”.
It’s been fun, exhausting and invigorating getting to know him and learning all the ways we compliment each other.
But all that would be meaningless were I not able to remain the person I have grown to love over the years.
So remain I shall.
I loved being single. It was a time of self discovery, independence, risk-taking and fun-having. I wouldn’t trade that time for anything in the world.
Now, I’m going to love being un-single because all of that cool single stuff doesn’t have to end just because I have a boyfriend, right?
What is your relationship status and why do you love it? Because there really is something to love about every situation. 
Great post today! I have been single for nearly 6 months now, which is the longest I’ve been unattached in nearly 10 years. I really, really enjoy this state – and I can’t imagine getting into another relationship right now. It’s been fun going on dates here and there – without anything serious going on – and no one taking up all of my time. It’s helped me relish my friends. I won’t lie, however – I do look forward to the day where I meet and find “the one.” I think I’ll be more ready for it after this time of dating myself
This is just one more step of growing.
The fact that you have learned how to be alone and that you really know yourself will help you immensely.
I think as long as this guy understands who you are and what has made your life tick the past few years, then the relationship will be fantastic!
The thing I love most about my situation and being with Sean is that I’m just hanging out with a friend all the time. He hasn’t made me change and we both do our own thing pretty dang well
I am currently in a relationship but it is long distance. My boyfriend of almost a year and a half lives in Charlotte Nc while I live in Pittsburgh PA. Suprisingly, the distance has made our realtionship wonderful. We both are very busy and so we maintain our independence and friends while still taking time for each other. We have learned to communicate so well because its the only option we have and we are always happy to see each other when we get the chance. Some people say “Oh that sucks.. Im sorry you have to do that” but honestly, while I would love to be around him all the time.. at this point in our lives.. it wouldnt work so for now I couldnt be happier
Aww yay, I’m so happy for you! I have no doubt you’ll be able to maintain the single self you learned so much about in your new relationship!
My relationship status is obviously married
I love it because I find comfort in knowing that your brother is always there for me and loves me no matter what. He’s just my person. Can’t really explain it…you know how good you feel after eating your favorite food? It’s like having that happiness all the time; it’s consistent contentment.
Its funny how nothing seems official until you see it on Facebook. When I first started dating my boyfriend I was SO afraid to change my relationship status on there. Its hard all of a sudden just not being single anymore. Having to consider someone else takes some getting used to. That said, Im really happy for you!!
I’m happy for you!
It’s true- whenever I’ve talked to a guy exclusively for a few weeks, I do get anxious because I’m nervous to limit myself or let things that I like in my life change. But it’s important to remember life will always be changing, and it’s fun to have someone to be there while it all happens.
Yea!
Well as you know I am married. Before I met Brandon I was single for a loooong time. There were a few flings here and there but nothing serious. I LOVED being single. I loved doing what I wanted, when I wanted, and not having to answer to anyone. I loved making my own money and spending it how I wanted. I also now LOVE being married! There are times when I do miss being single and all the things about it. Not that I don’t love my husband but I miss the things I mentioned above. Being single is fun but finding your best friend and living happily ever after is priceless. I wouldn’t change it for the world. Congrats on your new “status” sista!
Awwww I love this post!
As one who prided herself on being “The Single Girl” and doing nothing but going out with her girlfriends all the time, it’s been challenging to let down my guard and let someone else in. But I LOVE it! At first it was exhausting. I didn’t know how to be in a relationship, really. I had been in a few before, but nothing too serious.
Now that I am extremely happy with my man and being “in a relationship,” I want everyone to know and I couldn’t be happier. It’s like being with and hanging out with my best friend all the time. It’s so strange, I’ve never had something quite like that before.
Anyway, enough of me. CONGRATULATIONS!!! It is key to love one’s self first, and you’ve got it down!
You definitely don’t lose yourself in becoming part of a twosome. I still am who I was before I got married. We each have our own interests and it is fun being exposed to things I never would have been without him. We each bring something different to the table and learn from one another
Congrats girl- so happy for you!
YAYY!! How awesome, I’m happy for you.
I actually had a very similiar story- reconnecting with an old crush from the past. Except unfortunately, we don’t live anywhere near each other..but the connection’s just as strong so I know what you mean!! It’s a wonderful feeling, isn’t it? Having a plus one. 
i loved this post! Im newly single and at first i hated it, however i’m coming to terms to being with my own company, its true you have to love yourself first! Glad you’re happy now
I am in a relationship! I have been single for the past 3 years but I have always been with someone, so I never felt alone of anything. This relationship is different because I am in the middle of applying to grad school and I want to pretty much move away and change my life. And he in grad school ( soon to be) in MD. Soooooo we will seee!
<3 you!
Ooh I didn’t know that. Fun!
Yayyyyyyy! I’m glad your beautiful face is being doted on by a fantastic fellow, whoever he may be!
I’m single which is PERFECT for me right now. With everything I have going on, I could not handle a relationship right now. I need to focus on myself, ya know? But of course, in the future I’m hoping a certain NHL player shows up on my doorstep with flowers and chocolate. All in good time, all in good time.
Really great post!
I have been with my dude for 7 years now, we own a house and two dogs together, and yet all we get is naggy people asking when we’ll get married.
Our relationship is not defined by marriage, and it doesn’t need to be. And like you, the more they ask, the more against it I am.
I am thrilled for you to have found someone who can share your time and make life more fun
And you are most certainly not defined by such!
I’m so happy for you but really, I love that you are happy either way! I also loved being single but I love being married. However, when I got married, my inner strong, independent woman freaked. Badly. Something about changing my last name?
Woo!! Awesome post!! It’s so easy to lose ourselves in relationships. I think your being single for so long was a great thing! It really is a great think to make a decision without anyone but yourself in mind!
This post is great, I feel like it’s exactly how I felt when I met my current boyfriend! I had suffered a horrible breakup and spent about 2 years building my own life back up after being so dependent on someone else for my happiness for too long and was definitely hesitant about letting my “single self” go again. But I could never have made a better choice since I finally met my perfect match and could not imagine having that “single life” again without him
I’m happy for you!!! I think that it’s good that you are content with who you are as a single person. That will definitely make a strong relationship!
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Single, kinda…long story…I’m learning though, thanks to Low…, that I can be happy and single. If I’m not happy with myself than I will never be happy with a person. The interesting part of all of this is truly getting to know the knew person I am becoming!
My relationship status is married, and I am happy with it because I married my best friend and it was the best decision of my life.
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After my divorce I also took time for myself. I learned who I was, what I liked and didn’t like. I was so used to always doing what other people wanted me to do but that changed. Once I started dating my bf I realized that I didn’t want to go back to the old me. I still have things that I do on my own. He also has his own things. We share them together and sometimes we do them apart. If he is “the one” he will like that you are being you and not someone pretending to be what he wants.
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I’ve been married to my 2nd husband for 8 years now. However, prior to that, I was single for 4 wonderful, wonderful years!!!!! And, previous to that, had always been single for at least 2 years between the other relationships I had. Personally, I think EVERYONE should live by themselves before they ever get married! However, most people are terrified of being alone. I understand your fear…..my husband understands my need for independence. Though sometimes I think he wishes I was more “needy”. I’m not that sort of woman. You DON’T have to lose yourself in a relationship! Good luck whichever way it turns! ♥
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