I can’t believe I’ve never used this as a post title before. I actually have the phrase tattooed on my body. Clearly, it’s something I subscribe to. More on that in a minute.
So yeah, I disappeared there for a few days… did anyone notice? No reason for it really. I just didn’t have anything to write about or a strong desire to write at all. So I didn’t.
Okay that’s not totally true. The thing is… something kind of awkward is going on in my life right now – something I’m not used to.
Ready for it?
I’m pretty damn happy.
I’m content. Nothing major in my life is causing me any inner turmoil.
Why is that awkward you may ask? Well, I’ve never before been able to say that with such certainty and I’ve certainly never been able to come close to saying it during the holiday season.
I’m typically a bit of a grinch due to my family situation. In fact, I usually plan a tropical getaway right after the holidays to ensure that I don’t have a psychotic break before the end of the year.
This year however, I’m actually looking forward to spending time with my family. Most of our wounds seem to have healed and we’re closer than ever. The truth is, I’m downright excited about Christmas.
And that is so bizarre. I feel like I’ve been abducted by aliens.
(I know what a lot of you are probably thinking… but no, it’s not because I’m in love. Yes, I’m in a relationship and it’s been wonderful (and sometimes terrible), but the relationship is in no way the cause of my happiness. Instead, I’d say that my happiness is the cause of my relationship.)
Yet as happy and content as I am with my life right now, there are also a couple of other things that remain in the corner of my mind.
- At any moment, it could all come crashing down.
- No one really wants to read about how happy a person is day after day, do they?
Even in happiness I am fully able to find a cynic’s perspective. I’ve got talent, y’all.
So yeah, I guess that’s why I haven’t been blogging. Partly because I don’t want to shove my happiness down anyone’s throat and partly because I’m afraid that acknowledging it will make it disappear.
Logical? Probably not…
So last night I was tossing and turning in bed (after consuming half a large cherry Icee at 8 p.m. – bad idea for the record) and trying to figure out why I hadn’t felt like blogging.
I came to the realizations spelled out above, but then I realized one more important thing.
Yes, at any second my life could change for the worst. This might be my last happy day on earth, or even my last day on earth period.
But I can’t control it. Que sera sera – what will be, will be.
So I’m not going to shy away from how I’m feeling anymore. I’m going to embrace every happy moment I am blessed with and stop worrying so much about what will be.
All I know is what is. What’s happening right now, today.
And to be perfectly honest… it’s all good.