I can’t believe I’ve never used this as a post title before. I actually have the phrase tattooed on my body. Clearly, it’s something I subscribe to. More on that in a minute.
So yeah, I disappeared there for a few days… did anyone notice? No reason for it really. I just didn’t have anything to write about or a strong desire to write at all. So I didn’t.
Okay that’s not totally true. The thing is… something kind of awkward is going on in my life right now – something I’m not used to.
Ready for it?
I’m pretty damn happy.
I’m content. Nothing major in my life is causing me any inner turmoil.
Why is that awkward you may ask? Well, I’ve never before been able to say that with such certainty and I’ve certainly never been able to come close to saying it during the holiday season.
I’m typically a bit of a grinch due to my family situation. In fact, I usually plan a tropical getaway right after the holidays to ensure that I don’t have a psychotic break before the end of the year.
This year however, I’m actually looking forward to spending time with my family. Most of our wounds seem to have healed and we’re closer than ever. The truth is, I’m downright excited about Christmas.
And that is so bizarre. I feel like I’ve been abducted by aliens.
(I know what a lot of you are probably thinking… but no, it’s not because I’m in love. Yes, I’m in a relationship and it’s been wonderful (and sometimes terrible), but the relationship is in no way the cause of my happiness. Instead, I’d say that my happiness is the cause of my relationship.)
Yet as happy and content as I am with my life right now, there are also a couple of other things that remain in the corner of my mind.
- At any moment, it could all come crashing down.
- No one really wants to read about how happy a person is day after day, do they?
Even in happiness I am fully able to find a cynic’s perspective. I’ve got talent, y’all.
So yeah, I guess that’s why I haven’t been blogging. Partly because I don’t want to shove my happiness down anyone’s throat and partly because I’m afraid that acknowledging it will make it disappear.
Logical? Probably not…
So last night I was tossing and turning in bed (after consuming half a large cherry Icee at 8 p.m. – bad idea for the record) and trying to figure out why I hadn’t felt like blogging.
I came to the realizations spelled out above, but then I realized one more important thing.
Yes, at any second my life could change for the worst. This might be my last happy day on earth, or even my last day on earth period.
But I can’t control it. Que sera sera – what will be, will be.
So I’m not going to shy away from how I’m feeling anymore. I’m going to embrace every happy moment I am blessed with and stop worrying so much about what will be.
All I know is what is. What’s happening right now, today.
And to be perfectly honest… it’s all good.
Wonderful sentiments!!! Love the Que Sera Sera philsophy.
I couldn’t be happier for you, lady.
There’s something to be said at that moment when you realize how happy you are. It’s sort of like a breakthrough. And it’s nice. 
It makes me happy to see you so happy.
Awwww. I am so happy for you. I especially love “my happiness is the cause of my relationship.”
I hope that you have a wonderful holiday with your family.
I feel the opposite — I feel bad writing anything negative on my blog..I feel like nobody wants to read about my sob stories. So don’t feel bad writing about how happy you are!! People like to read about positive things! Right?!! And you know you are right, you can’t have a healthy successful relationship without you being in love with yourself! Your partner can’t be responsible for making you happy..you have to know how to do that on your own. I had to learn that for myself before I found my husband. Before him, I expected the relationship/man to make me happy… didn’t work.
And I am in the same point in my life — very content and happy…and its hard not to think about the ‘what ifs’…but I like your moto!!! I will def go off of that!
YOu should embrace the fact that you are happy! You deserve to be! I like your philosophy though, and that saying!
I like reading your happy thoughts, angry thoughts, sad thoughts–all of it. Write what you are :.
I love that philosophy–what will be, will be. I need that right now!
I think we could all use some of your optimism; can you bottle it and send it around??? This is great, we need a reminder sometimes that we DESERVE to be happy, so we shouldn’t be so scared of it when it happens!!! Cause like you said, even if it all comes crashing down, at least we had that time.
Yay for happiness! And I like to read about happiness and other ups and downs instead of negativity every day. While we all can’t poop rainbows and sunshine every single day, it’s nice to hear when things are going well.
I’m so happy for you!
I adore your optimism. Happiness is a hard thing to achieve. Once it feels like it’s within your grasp, it’s drastically ripped out of your fingers.
It seems that you are truly content with yourself and life, in general; and I am beyond happy for you to have found that sort of peace. xoxo
I was wondering what you were up to!
I’m so glad to know that you are truly content with life right now – that’s wonderful! Yes, yes, embrace it!
We don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow and it’s out of our hands. It feels amazing to give up control and accept the moment. It’s a tough skill to master in our world but it is so fulfilling and freeing. I am so SO happy for you!
And I will read whatever you write, happy or sad, because I consider you a friend and think you are an awesome writer!
Aw thanks Susan. You are truly too kind!
I love it. While it could come crashing down, you’ve been there before too and know you’re strong enough to deal. However, I think it will only get better and the worst has already passed. Everything that’s happened makes you stronger and better able to appreciate the good things.
Happiness isn’t luck, my friend. You deserve all you get (the good stuff. The crap is truly bad luck at times, I’m convinced.)
awesome kaci!!! it must be something about this year… my mom called me this year to say she feels like the grinch who’s heart has finally grown 3 sizes too big and for the first time in almost 20 years she is looking forward to xmas!
glad she’s not the only one!!!
Beautiful song. Beautiful sentiment.
Ummm, yes, I noticed the disappearance and was totally P.O.’d BECAUSE it was my last day to check the blog before I was leaving for vacation and so I had nothing fun to look at while working
I’m glad you’re happy and yes, you should BLOG about that. We enjoy the blogs. Happy or sad, we enjoy them
Girl, I know it’s not always easy. Life never is and it never will be. I am glad you are happy and I absolutely LOVE that you recognize that your relationship came from that happiness. You deserve it. I’ll echo on what everyone else said – good, bad, happy, sad I’ll take it all.
i love this.
i love that throughout so many struggles, you’ve gotten to this place. and yes – que sera sera is right! mama e always says, don’t worry about what you can’t control. i’ve been working on embracing that, and it helps SO much. just enjoy, go kiss your boy and know that you DESERVE IT!
love you!
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