I’ve talked a lot about my love life on this blog.
I’ve written about my broken engagement.
I’ve written about how my relationships played into my struggle with depression.
I’ve joked about how much I hate dating. Seriously, I hate dating.
I’ve announced the start of two relationships… and the end of two relationships.
I’m pretty candid about it all.
I’ve also talked a lot about how strongly I believe in finding a relationship with and love for yourself before you can truly be happy with another person.
This is probably my biggest mantra, and the thing I believe in the most.
While I’m on this subject, let me just say – I think Valentine’s Day is pretty ridiculous. Even when I’ve been in relationships on the holiday, I’ve still never been a huge fan.
Like New Year’s Eve, it just gets built up too much and it’s hard to find a way to meet expectations.
In the past, when I found myself single on V-day, I would fit right into the cliche and feel sorry for myself.
In fact, last year I started online dating on Valentine’s weekend. I felt ready for a relationship and frustrated that I wasn’t finding it.
Online dating wasn’t really for me, but I did run across the recent ex through the dating site. We reconnected and started up a relationship.
Even though I downplayed it on the blog, I thought the relationship was going to be really special.
I thought it was fate.
We’d had feelings for each other long ago, but were both in committed relationships and never spoke of it.
Then, we reconnected six years later only to find out we lived within a mile of each other.
Neither of us wanted kids, and agreed that should we ever change our minds we wanted to adopt.
We were both afraid of committment and had similar emotional baggage.
He was my physical type and also extremely smart and funny.
However, it started off rocky and just got rockier. I dare say, he had even more issues than I do. He accused me of cheating constantly (I never came close, he was paranoid), had a huge guard up and had a mean streak.
His good qualities weren’t enough to make up for the bad. So I broke it off.
I was sad, but the break-up awakened something inside me.
I had truly thought that our meeting again was a sign of some sort, and then all of a sudden it was over.
I felt like I was missing the point. I needed to read between the lines.
After several days of crawling into my brain and overthinking my life (I do this often), I realized that maybe I didn’t meet him again to find my soul mate, but to remember certain things about myself.
One thing that struck me about the ex was that he was so unhappy that he’d never moved out of Oklahoma. He’s always wanted to live in Seattle, ever since he was a little boy but he never took the plunge.
Now he’s 32 with a successful career in law and, in his mind, unable to get out.
I didn’t want that to be me.
I’ve also always wanted to move away. To the East Coast. I’ve always wanted to see if I could do it. To find out what I’m really made of.
Thus, the D.C. idea was born.
And, in the process, the relationship I have with myself has grown even stronger.
I love how resilient I am.
I love how willing I am to do what’s hard to get what I want.
I love that even though it would be nice to have a boyfriend, I am choosing what I really want over a relationship I know would not work out in the end. (He tried to rekindle the relationship, then gave me the ultimatum – him or D.C. Seriously, it happened.)
I love that God has a plan for me, and that I’m listening to it instead of just doing what is easy.
And Valentine’s Day seemed to be as good of a time as any to remind myself of those things.
The truth is, no matter who your Valentine is, you have one person to cherish and celebrate today – and that’s YOU.
Corny as it may be, it’s the gosh damn truth.
What’s one (or more) thing you freaking love about yourself? Come on, it’s the Hallmark Holiday of love – when else can you brag about yourself with reckless abandon?! 
here’s a quote I read today that I loved on this special Valentines day–and the first v day ive been single in a long time (although, me and sean never did anything…shocker).
To love ones self is the beginning of a lifelong romance. -Oscar wilde
I love that! It’s perfect and so true.
Yay good for you. I can’t believe he gave you an ultimatum! I basically did the same thing with Alex. I knew that by moving it would most likely be the end of us, but I had to do it for me, and I’m so so so happy
I’ve thought about that a lot as I’ve gone through this. You’re the perfect example that it’s going to work out!
I really like this post. I completely agree with you on the fact that you cannot love someone else until you love yourself. I am a firm believer in that.
One thing I love about myself is the fact that I would do anything and everything for people that I love and care about. I want to make sure that they are taken care of and okay. I’m very giving.
That is a really great quality to have!
I love everything about this post. Everything. I think the relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you’re ever going to have.
One thing I freaking love about myself is my personality. All of it. I think Im awesome, and would absolutely be my friend if I were someone else.
I love that! I think you’re awesome as well!
You are such a smart cookie! I love you! And I freaking love that I can cook. I have had so many emails lately from girls begging me to tell them how I learned to cook. Lucky for me, I have always done it. And I never knew how hard it was for some people!
You can REALLY cook. I’d like to have your skills in that department.
God does have a plan for you!!! I think of “eucatastrophe”.. how there are so many heartaches in life and things just never seem to work out the way we planned it..but it’s because it’s God’s plan, not ours that matters. And His plan is always so much more beautiful..and I think it is so beautiful because it includes those heartaches. If we always had our way, we’d never know disappointment and therefore never fully appreciate all of the blessings that we have in life.
Love you! Can’t wait to see you on the East Coast!
Great post! I love how strong I am. I mean, my biceps are pretty ripped, but also emotionally! I’ve realized that during the past month, and it feels damned good.
I love this post!! BOLD!! DARING!!
I’m not going to lie, I love my brains. There. I said it outloud. I love that I’m smarter than most men I know in my field. And I love it even more when I get to see the look on their faces when they realize that I just outsmarted them. Yeah!
I also love that I’m totally blunt. At least you know I will never lie to you no matter how bad it hurts. I’d rather have honesty!!
Haha, yes you have both of those things and I love you for it. Happy V-Day sissy!
i love this
Lately, I’ve been giving myself more time to really work at the things I want. I was too lazy or busy or whatever else and that just kept me in this pool of disappointment. No longer!
aww, great post Kacy! I was at your same turning point at your age! I finally had to fall in love with ME before I met my life partner! It took some horrible relationship and breakups before that happened and when I finally did…boom, there he was.
I love that I am a great mommy!!
Great post girl! And for real – how you feel about you has to be first! I’m not a valentine’s day girl either – I actually didn’t know it was v-day until I got to work. haha
I love YOU!!!
Wonderful story..and really, it’s so great you got out of that relationship. The start of it sounded sweet. You know, reconnecting..you lived close to each other, all that..but if it’s not meant to be then it’s not meant to be. At least you’re not stuck like he may be.
Amen! I agree 100% with your views on self-love.
And I adore Lisa’s quote!
Love your attitude. I’m not big on the holiday either…but I’m happy to show some self love!
I love my big brown eyes, and my ability to laugh at most situations. I think that laughter keeps me sane.
I love that I have ambition and drive.
good for you-I love your honesty!
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This is fabulous. I am right there with you on “crawling into my mind and overthinking my life…I realized maybe I didnt meet him to find my soulmate but rather to remember certain things about myself.” This is ringing all too true. And I hear all the time that you have to love yourself before you can truly love anyone else. It’s been tough for me, but I’m really trying.
I love how I’m all of a sudden so willing to change, and also so willing to love and accept myself; to stop worrying about what other people think. This is very new for me.
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