At 25, I’d like to have things a bit more figured out.
It’s not that I necessarily thought I’d have them figured out as I don’t set age goals for myself (married by this age, kids by that age – none of that) I just feel like I should be a little bit more stable in life right now than I am.
Sure, I wake up in the morning and do adult stuff all day – but I’m still broke, unable to foster real romantic relationships for any length of time and each day I increase in awkwardness.
I notice this the most when I’m around my family.
I love my family more anything in the whole wide world, obviously, and I want them to not only be proud of me – but to feel like they can stop worrying about me and depend on me to have my own things figured out.
I know they’d like me to get married and pop out grandkids, but since they and I both know that’s not going to happen anytime soon I think they’d at least like me to be more… settled.
I try not to compare myself to my siblings, but it seems kind of like I’m the lost soul of the bunch. (Only one of those is my real sibling, but we’re considered “the kids” now.)
I want to be able to pick up the check at dinner instead of being the charity case sent home with all the leftovers and half a bottle of wine.
I want to be able to buy my parents things and call with great news about my successes.
My brother can do those things, and though I know it’s not right or productive to compare, I still feel like I need to step it up.
I made the choice to move to D.C. and I’m proud and excited to see that become a reality, but things are not going smoothly.
My bosses are stalling. I don’t know if I’ll get to go on my intended schedule. I have a project that’s about to make me crumble.
These things are all prime examples of how I do not have it all together.
I try to put on a good front, but the truth is pretty apparent because I have a hard time hiding my emotions from my family.
Last night, I was beating myself up about all these things. I felt stupid, small and embarrassed.
But in the light of day I have to realize that no matter how awkward, strange or unsettled I might be - my family has been there for me every step of the way until now and they’re not going anywhere.
The thing about family is that they have to love your bad parts. If you can’t let them see the things that are plaguing you – who do you have?
I’m going to try to stop comparing and worrying about and aiming to be the daughter, sister and grandaughter I think I should be and just focus on taking my life at face value and making the small changes I can in the time that I’ve got.
Someday, I’ll figure it out. Whatever it is.
Love this post and I agree-if you stop comparing yourself you can be yourself…individualize and be you:)
I can definitely relate to how you are feeling. I feel lost a lot of the time too. There is no use in comparing yourself. Just be who you are and be proud of that.
You seem like such a great person. I’m sure everything will work for you. 
I definitely know how you feel, since I feel like I JUST got my life together like an adult a few months ago. Just keep trucking a long, you’ll get there!
ummmm YES. Been there way too many times. And I, too, increase in awkwardness daily… thanks for posting and making me feel less awkward today.
Honestly, I don’t think anything is ever “stable”. Don’t beat yourself up so much. You have a full time job and are living on your own at 25. You are doing pretty dang good! I am 31 and my hubby is 39 and sometimes we still don’t feel “stable” especially with the economy the way it is. I doubt they think less of you… but I too just want to please my parents so I completely understand… my hubby says that he knows me better than my mom does…and maybe he is right. Anyways, you are right, you will get there…but 25 is still sooo young! You have so much time, to “figure” things out!
Oh honey, you know I feel you completely. It’s definitely an issue in my life. I try so hard to be perfect for everyone and it jeopardizes my own happiness. I feel very unstable, but know that I am much, much further along than other people my age. That makes me proud. Even though I’m not quite where I want to be yet, I’m happy with where I am and excited to see where I am going. I’m pretty sure you helped me discover this.
I relate to this a lot. I’m the black sheep of my family. I don’t even look like them! My sister is adored by everyone and I’m all introverted giving people the side eye in the corner. Oh well, the good thing about family is that they love you no matter what right?
I wish I had more figured out too at times, but… not having life figured out can make things interesting and exciting too! We’ll all get to the stage in life where we want to be someday, and believe me, there are things in my life I wish would move faster, etc., and I definitely beat myself up. Then there are times where I sit back and say ‘everything is happening for a reason, I’ll get there someday and just need to enjoy life in the present’. Here’s to hoping we can both do more of that. Things will be okay, keep your head up girlie!
I know exactly what youre talking about. I feel the same way. I sit and watch other people go out and get lunch, meanwhile, Im going to be lucky if I can afford groceries. Life is hard – but its supposed to be. Just think how much more you’ll appreciate all the good stuff when it does happen.
It’s really hard to not feel guilty/indebted/inferior etc. around our families. They’re the closest people we can relate ourselves to, so it’s natural that we self-compare with them more than with others. But you know what I try to remember? Everyone’s journey through life is the different. The goods are different, the bads are different, and no one’s life is more or less significant than another’s.
You’re right – your family loves you unconditionally. But I’m sure they also love you because you are smart, kind, driven, and brave.
Have a great Friday Kacy : )
Thank you Susan. You’re the sweetest
Hang in there! I know its hard not to know what’s going to happen the very next step in your life, but I would have loved to have been 25 and “no strings attached.”
Not to say that I don’t thank God every day that I decided to keep my daughter, but having her at 23 made me grow up way faster than I ever would have – which in hindsight was probably a good thing!
Embrace this time of possibilities!! Hugs!
Girl, you sound exactlyyyy like me at 25. Not even kidding! Well, minus the marriage and grandkids part (my parents don’t seem to put much emphasis on that?) Just know that you are going to get it figured out sooner than you think – and your move to DC is going to be an amazing step in your life!! You’ll figure “it” out.. trust me
It takes everyone different lengths of time to “get settled” and there is nothing wrong with that. My sister ALWAYS compares herself to me and cuts herself down, saying things like “you had it all figured out” or “I will never be able to do what you have done.” It ends up making me feel bad. I worry about her because of her confidence. If she had more faith in herself, I know she would do the things in life she wants to do.
Don’t compare yourself. We are all different, and there are no time frames to follow. 25 is very young. Most 25 year olds today are NOT married and don’t have kids (at least not the ones where I live!) People are taking more time to get an education and establish their careers.
You are growing as a person, and that is great! Don’t worry about a time-line. I think having a college education says that you are pretty stable to most people!
Hey, no one ever has it all figured out, trust me. I’m married and have a baby and am constantly trying to get to a point where I’m satisfied with myself. I’m pretty sure it never happens. If you settled to do what you thought your family expected you wouldn’t be happy and going away for the sake of going away won’t make you happy either. Just follow your dreams like you are, and do what you know will make you happy! You’re an awesome person and speaking in these terms of deep honestly proves it.
This post totally spoke to me. I just turned 25 and it’s such a weird age. I feel so old and like I should have accomplished so much already. By this time, my mom was already married and working. Maybe it’s different nowadays, I don’t know.
Love the honesty… Thank you for being so open! I struggle a lot with my own idea of ‘success’ and beat myself up over not reaching tht standard… But I am still proud of my life and everything I’ve accomplished thus far. And besides…. Who doesn’t love family leftovers!? That’s one thing I’ll never get sick of.
Aw hun, keep your chin up! This is a very unsettling transition in your life right now. Anyone in their right mind would feel like this! Keep strong and you’ll get through it
Whenever I start fretting about the future or if I’m currently on the right path I try to remember that I’m exactly where I’m meant to be in life. I’m learning the things I need to learn and growing in ways I need to grow. Part of that comes with my faith and trust that God has a plan for me, but even without that belief I think its good to trust that we aren’t ever too far off course with our lives and always just where we need to be so we might as well enjoy it.
Pingback: Mental Clarity « Low… and behold!’s Blog
I know it feels like you should have it figured out at 25, but that’s still pretty young. I’m almost 33 and I don’t feel like an adult. I certainly don’t have the money to grab the check at dinner!
You’ll get there. I think once you figure out what is happening with the DC move, you’ll feel a lot more stable.
I know exactly how you feel. I feel like a bit of a lost soul at the minute too – and I’m unemployed. Sometimes I wish someone would just come along and sort my life out for me. I also feel that my parents who are in their late 60′s and 70′s deserve a break from having to worry about my life.
My boyfriend always tells me not to be so hard on myself and that we all eventually get to where we are meant to be, just some get there quicker.
I think we can be our own worst critic sometimes. Be strong!
Well…I AM married, and about to pop out a kid, and I still don’t feel too settled. So, it just goes to show you it’s not about what you’ve accomplished (or not accomplished) – I think (hope) it’s a mental stability that you figure out over time. Let me know if you figure it out.
And as for picking up the check when I’m at dinner with my family…I kind of hope that never happens.
I think we’ve all felt this way at some point or another in our lives. You will get “there” and figure it out- it’s what our twenties are all about!