I had the joy of going to lunch today wherein annoying person was present. (Annoying person will henceforth be referred to as AP.) Pet Peeve number 3 – “being good” – came up so many times I about stabbed myself with my butter knife.
Eventually, I decided to stop being so passive aggressive and voice my thoughts. I figured if people can constantly bombard me with their negative self-talk and food guilt, then I would tell them my thoughts on the matter as well. Here’s how it went down.
On the topic of what to order…
Me: I’m trying to decide between this delicious-looking salad and the cheeseburger.
AP: Oh, are you trying to be good?
Me: (blank stare) No… I just don’t know which sounds better. The salad sounds really refreshing, but a burger also sounds amazing right now.
AP: Well the salad is healthy. (Because all salads are automatically healthy I guess.)
Me: (Blank stare, eye roll) I really don’t care about that, I’m just trying to decide what sounds better.
AP: Well I was going to be good, but I’m going to get the soup and salad and I’m thinking about getting potato soup. That’s so bad.
Me: (breaking point has been reached) Food is not bad. Food is good.
AP: You should see all the chocolate I have in my apartment right now. I’ve hidden it from myself and frozen the rest. Chocolate is so bad.
Me: I think chocolate is good.
AP: I’ll just skip dinner.
Me: (eying butter knife, dreaming of offing myself self to end this conversation)
For the record, I went with the salad. I’m slightly dehydrated from last night’s boozing and the fruits present in the salad sounded delightful to my palate. The chicken in the salad was gross though. I should have gone with the burger. I will definitely be eating a burger in the next few days now.
Later on… the conversation continues as I reach for a mint on the way out of the restaurant.
AP: I have sugar free gum in my purse if you want it. That mint is pure sugar.
Me: (vision going blurry with rage) I. Like. Sugar.
AP: Yeah well, I’m just really trying to be good.
Me: Listen, I don’t do the whole good thing. I just try not to think about it and everything usually just falls into place. I refuse to give food that much control in my life.
AP: (blank stare, uncomfortable laugh – as if what I just said was a joke) Oh.
Next time I’m going to throw my terrible pure sugar-filled mints at people. Sooner or later they’ll learn to take it elsewhere.
I’m not saying I never watch what I eat, or that I never choose a healthier option because I know it’s good for me – it’s just the way these conversations make food out to be some devilish entity trying to destroy our lives.
I just can’t get behind that kind of thinking. There are more important things to worry about and constantly hearing about it makes old habits I used to have come back into my mind. So if they’re going to wax on about “being good”, then I’m going to fire back every time. Bring it!
And on a completely unrelated note. I just learned that it’s supposed to snow in D.C. on Sunday. I most certainly had not accounted for snow in my packing situation, I guess some boots might have to be thrown into the mix? Yay boots!