When I decided that I wanted to move to D.C. – I knew I had to adjust my budget.
I’ve always been a ‘spend it if I have it kind of gal’, and any money that wasn’t earmarked for rent or bills was usually spend on socializing and shopping.
I’ve had a full-on shopping addiction ever since high school, and considering that I’ve stayed roughly the same size since then – I have a disgusting amount of clothes, shoes and bags.
So when I decided to stop shopping in order to save money for the move, it wasn’t that difficult. I clearly had plenty of clothes to wear. Shopping was a want, not a need.
I expected it to be harder, but I’ve actually enjoyed shopping in my own closet and finding old gems that I haven’t worn in a long time.
That is, until I went shopping with my stepmom on Saturday.
Suddenly, in the face of all the new fashions and adorable clothes that I knew I couldn’t afford, I started to feel like nothing in my own closet was good enough.
I wanted to buy everything. My credit card was pulsing in my wallet, whispering sweet nothings into my ear.
“Go ahead, max me out, it will be okay. You can pay it off later.”
Had I not been in the company of my parents, I might have given in.
But I didn’t, and I left the stores feeling strong and in control.
Still, it got me to thinking.
We can go along perfectly content with who we are what we have – until we’re face to face with all the things we want but haven’t realized yet.
Truth time – the same thing happens to me a lot from reading blogs or looking at my friends’ lives.
One day I’m perfectly happy with my job, looks or love life and then I read someone’s blog who runs every day even when they’re sick or think about good friends who I find more successful than me and I start to question everything.
Suddenly everything I thought I loved about myself seems dull compared to the shiny lives of others.
This weekend, I got down on myself for not wanting to work out more – for not feeling constantly compelled to have a fitness goal.
I felt self conscious about my body because summer is approaching and more skin will be on display.
I worried that I’d never feel confident in my career – that the move to D.C. might not ever happen.
These are things I wouldn’t normally think about (okay, maybe I would but I wouldn’t normally dwell on them), but lately they’ve been pressing on my mind.
Luckily, I’m confident enough in who I am to realize when this is happening and stop it from going to far.
In the same way that I can’t control my lack of shopping funds, I know I can’t control how my life stacks up against the lives of others.
It’s not a matter of tailoring my life to look as good as someone else’s, but instead staying strong and remembering that what I have is enough – just the way it is.
So what if I’m not always in love with exercising?
Sometimes life is just too exhausting. I stay as fit as I can, but always feeling like I’m not doing enough isn’t me. I know better than that.
The body consciousness is the worst. I hate when I start to feel down about the way I look.
The truth is that my body is strong and capable. It’s gotten me through three half marathons and countless other workouts. It’s also pretty hot and has had several admirers, if you want to get right down to it.
My career is on the rise and I’m certainly successful in my own right. I have a lot left to accomplish, but I know I can do whatever I set out to do. I need to stop doubting myself.
A lot of times, it seems like we’re always thinking of how we can improve, what needs to be fixed and and taking the next step. It can turn into a never-ending succession of makeovers to a life that was great to begin with.
Changes are great. We should never be complacent. But we should also be happy with what we’ve got in the present.
If you’re constantly upgrading yourself, it’s easy to lose sight of who you really are.
To me, it seems just as important to remember that what you have is already pretty great.
Who you are, right now – today – is good enough.
On another note, did this post title remind anyone else of that Jennifer Lopez movie “Enough“? I miss JLo on the silver screen. Except for maybe this movie, which (full disclosure) I did see in theaters.
thank you posting this and being honest about it! this is something that (I think) everyone deals with at some point, and it’s definitely something that I struggle with, too.
It’s hard to focus on being content when we’re constantly bombarded with the idea that we NEED the newest thing or that our lives aren’t complete without “fill in the blank”.
Saw this title and instatnly thought of J.Lo’s movie. HA! Definitely a good “Go Girl” movie!
As always, you are preaching to the choir! (lalalalalala) It really is more than enough. I think it’s so awesome how you are aware of your emotions and instantly change your thinking. I”m hoping that in this “new chapter of life,” I wil be able to do the same.
I hear ya girl. When I see how many people ran faster than me without really trying I get really down on myself even though I still PR’d. I also am DREADING putting on shorts in a few weeks. Super self conscious of my body even though my boyfriend apparently finds me sexier than everything except a brand new paintbrush. Cheer up lady I’m with ya
Haha, the paint brush thing was hilarious. Pretty awesome compliment!
I totally thought of Jlo and her hubby – too much.
Loved the post though (and didn’t let jlo distract me!). I know what you mean. It’s hard sometimes to focus on the haves instead of the things you want to get. I ask Austin all the time, “what’s so bad about being complacent?” I mean really – if you’re happy why constantly push yourself? To me, it’s one thing to have goals and enjoy achieving them, especially if the goals involve things you LOVE doing or things you HAVE to do, but not if it makes you unhappy to fulfill them. I don’t know if that makes sense but it’s how I think about it!
I definitely can relate to this and feel like I fall into the trap of comparing myself to others all the time… but I also think it’s a certain personality type that tends to make such comparisons and usually one that turns out to be pretty successful (which is obvious in your life as well with your great career!) so sometimes I struggle with liking vs. hating feeling this way. Does that make sense? Ah well, either way, I think living in the “today” and being thankful for all you have is a fabulous mentality and one that I know I definitely need to have more often
I think we all fall into that trap, I know I sure do. I was getting down on myself this weekend too about the way I looked. I kept looking in the mirror at my stomach and thinking “it should be flat by now”! I have worked soooo hard!” but you know what, that belly gave me two beautiful babies, so I have to keep thinking that!!!
I just bought a laptop before reading this. I needed it though!
I definitely don’t think there’s anything wrong with buying things. Hopefully it didn’t come across that way!
Breakups are SO HARD but you’re def doing the right thing girl! Gotta do what’s best for you!
No, it didn’t come across that way at all. I’m the exact same way about spending money. I literally had to talk myself into buying a new laptop for two weeks. I’m worse when it comes to clothes.
it so hard to NOT compare yourself to others, but ya know what? You have to look at yourselfin the mirror and KNOW taht you are worth it, special and have so much to offer…this post could not come at a better time, as I am going thorugh a break up with my BF which is the WORST thing in the world. Its so hard to step away frm something you know is not meant to be…but in the end you have to be strong and realize you are worth it and THE BEST <3
Whoop whoop! Well said, lady!
We all fall prey to the comparison trap every now and then – it’s good to realize when we are!
I don’t compare myself to others as far as jobs and education and what I have vs. what they have. I generally don’t compare myself as far as my size, however, when a healthy person complains to me of “being too fat” or “not liking this part of their body” I get REALLY irritated b/c all I can think is, “Really, you’re going to complain to someone who is 50 pounds overweight? Really?”
I know it’s bad, but that’s when the comparing begings…then I usually judge them for being idiots b/c they’re so dumb to NOT KNOW how beautiful they really are and need to have more confidence.
I know, too blunt, right?
Haha, no, I wouldn’t expect anything less. Definitely legit feelings!
Great post, Kacy! It’s so easy to compare and feel like someone’s life is better & shouldn’t I be doing/running/earning more? I always try to remember only snippets of their lives are visible and things might not always be “haf full”. If so, I’m poking a hole in her damn cup.
Bahaha. You’re kind of my favorite for that comment. Too funny.
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I always get down on myself for not wanting to workout …
I really liked this line:
“If you are constantly upgrading yourself, it’s easy to lose sight of who you really are.” – so true!
I love this post. It is very inspirational. I also feel like I am not good enough from time to time. I will try to remember this post when these ugly thoughts trying to get me next time.
LOVE! You are seriously inspiring. I feel those things plenty often but when I step back and look at my life I realize how friggin’ amazing it is! I have great family, great hobbies, great friends and I am living the dream.
Great post! I moved to DC from Georgia about 11 months ago, and haven’t looked back! Have you made the move yet, or are you getting prepared to? I can relate to a lot of the feelings that you have towards making the move here, specifically the researching apartments, jobs, metro, etc.
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