I had my first Fantasy Football draft last night! I had a pretty specific strategy - no Texas or Dallas players allowed.
Okay, that wasn’t my only strategy. I got some pretty solid picks, and of course – my main man:
Sammy Bradford! He’s just my back-up quarterback (the Rams just aren’t very good yet), but I’m excited that we’re on the same team again.
Yes, I have issues.
Not just on the obsessive football front either.
Yesterday was a killer day. It ended well, with the draft and a home cooked meal from the boyfriend, but during the day I think I accumulated about five ulcers.
First, I came face to face with just how grizzly my financial situation is.
While dealing with that, a whole bunch of other crap happened at work that I didn’t want to deal with.
I felt like I was being pulled a million directions.
On top of that, I’ve been struggling with something else I feel I should share with you all:
I’m having second thoughts about blogging.
I don’t know what to say to follow that up. I know I’m not ready to quit writing here. I love this blog and the community and awareness that writing it has given me, but something feels off.
When I started this blog, it was kind of like my therapist. I was at a point in my life where I needed the outlet, and it helped me more than I ever thought it could.
And it’s definitely not like I’m totally healed. I’ll always have my issues and drama, and I’ll probably always appreciate having a spot where I can voice my feelings about those things.
However, when I started this blog, I was 100% available to commit to writing it and I put all my heart and soul into each post.
I wrote about my hopes and dreams for the future – how I wanted to move away from Oklahoma and gain a true sense of happiness and self acceptance.
And over the years, I’ve come really close to achieving all of those things.
Now I feel like I should allow myself to enjoy that more, and not always be tethered to the interwebs.
My heart isn’t in each post anymore. My heart is in living the life that I’ve made for myself.
And yet, leaving and not writing here anymore would be like a breakup. A heartbreaker.
It would hurt me not to have the connections I’ve made here on a daily basis anymore. I would truly miss it and miss all of you and your comments and support. I’d probably come crawling back within days.
So, clearly, the solution probably isn’t to stop blogging all together, but I feel like I need to make some sort of a change.
I guess I’m having some sort of blogger’s mid-life existential crisis, and since I’ve always been of the full disclosure mentality, I couldn’t hide that from you guys.
There’s no neat way to wrap this up, other than to say thanks for listening and that I’ll keep you posted. I don’t expect anything to change right away, as I’m still working it out in my mind, and I’m definitely open to any suggestions you may have.
Fantasy Footballers – have you had your drafts yet? What was your main strategy?
Bloggers – ever had an existential blogging crisis? What did you do?