It’s come to my attention recently that I’m not the only person in my family who doesn’t like Christmas.
Well, I knew my mom didn’t like it. This became painfully obvious the year she threw the Santa Claus doll my brother and I were fighting over across the room and broke its head off.
Sure, that makes her sound like a bad person, but I imagine that I would have acted similarly in her situation. Because I understand now. Faking the Christmas Spirit can make people do ugly things.
I always thought it was just my mom though. My dad seemed to enjoy the holidays well enough, and always ate the cookies we set out and put together the doll houses or bicycles we got from “Santa”.
I guess he was trying to do his part to make sure I didn’t grow up bitter and disillusioned. It was a noble gesture, but it didn’t work.
Anyhow, he called me the other day with a story to verify that he is, in fact, a scrooge just like me.
Apparently, my stepmom had been bugging him to get the Christmas decorations down from the attic so they could deck the halls.
He wasn’t into it, and tried to talk her out of it.
But of course, she’s the woman and she got her way. So they trudged up the attic and she started handing things down to him.
After awhile, the things stopped coming and he got worried. Then he heard my stepmom start to groan.
So he climbed the ladder to go check it out.
Apparently, she had stepped on a weak spot in the attic and her foot was stuck – protruding out into the living room ceiling.
My dad should have felt sorry for her, but he just laughed.
(Another note about my family: we laugh when people get hurt.)
Now they have a hole in their ceiling, a bunch of Christmas decorations to put up even though my step-mom has a twisted ankle, and my dad is justified in his lack of Christmas Spirit.
This is why my family’s favorite Christmas movie is “Christmas Vacation”.
Hating Christmas: A family tradition since 1986. Or possibly before, but I wasn’t around back then.
I was talking to Mr. T about how his family still basically celebrates Christmas the same way they did when he was kids, and yet again I started feeling inadequate for having an unperfect family who celebrates Christmas unperfectly.
But then I decided that I like having a family who doesn’t put on airs about celebrating a holiday (not that it’s always putting on airs, or that there’s anything wrong with celebrating it – I know it’s everyone’s favorite).
We don’t exchange a bunch of gifts, because we don’t need anything. We draw names and each give and get one gift. So much less stressful, I’ll tell you that much.
We don’t sing carols or watch “It’s a Wonderful Life”, because the majority of us are busy grumbling about the weather and the Sooners making it to a shitty bowl this year. (Second place runner up for where I was going to place the “shitters” picture.)
Instead, we all still get together and get drunk and play games and eat too much.
It may not be a traditional, feel-good way of celebrating, but it’s our way.
How does your family celebrate Christmas (if you celebrate)?
And come on, tell me Christmas Vacation isn’t the funniest movie ever made. I dare you.
Christmas lovers, and less bitter people in general, I promise to try to post something happier soon.