As I’ve whined about several times, I haven’t been sleeping this week.

It’s funny, because it took me a few days to even realize that it was happening. I’m SO used to not sleeping by now that I don’t even get worked up about it anymore.

That is, until it’s been five days and I’ve only slept about two hours… then I get into the bad place.

I think the main reason I’ve been having more trouble this week is because I haven’t been getting home each night until around 8 p.m. – a problem for a person who needs to be in bed by 9 p.m. just to be sure they fall asleep before midnight.

I’m literally at the point right now that I’m so tired I want to cry, can’t possibly fathom that I will continue living, and don’t even want to have fun.

So, that’s a good time.

But I find ways to cope with it, because I’m used to this shit (I’ve never slept – I’ve tried every remedy, so don’t worry – yes to melatonin, Benadryl, Ambien, booze, tea, meditation, yoga, and every other thing one can think of to induce sleep but it doesn’t work) and I thought I’d share them with you guys, because that’s what I do.

Stay hydrated. After several days of not sleeping, one’s skin begins to feel like it’s going to crust off your body. It’s gross. Drinking water helps with this. It also makes you have to pee a lot, which makes you get up from your desk and get your blood circulating which will help you not die.

Careful with caffeine. While it is tempting to drink all the coffee when you’re sleep deprived, it will actually make you feel worse. When I’ve gone many moons without an actual night of sleep, my heart rate seems quickened and my brain feels like burning -so drinking lots of coffee isn’t the best idea. I do add a couple of extra cups, and lately I’ve been experimenting with green tea (mostly because I want it to make my skin pretty) but I always alternate with copious amounts of water. And peeing.

Talk about it. No one wants hear you bitch about how tired you are all day, but that’s too bad. You haven’t slept for a week and you’re going to tell every Tom, Dick and Harry about it if you damn well please. This includes g-chatting pathetic things to your friends and boyfriend about how much your life sucks and how you’ll never sleep again and the world is against you. There is no scientific explanation for this, but trust me, it helps.

Curse a lot. It feels good. See this post for an example. Also, stomp your feet, sigh really loudly and bang your head against your desk. All of these things will revive your senses and make you feel like you’re in control of your destiny.

At least once, bitterly declare “That’s easy for people who sleep to say!” People who sleep can suck it, am I right?

Wear a big, baggy, homely sweater that makes you look like a he-woman but feels cozy and nice. No one looks cute after a week of not sleeping, so just embrace it. Your face scares people, so wearing a hideous sweater will not do much harm.

That’s all I’ve got. But I feel as though I’ve been a great help, don’t you?

I’m probably not going to sleep tonight either, but I have high hopes for Saturday night because I can sleep in Sunday morning. Then again, I’ll probably be too excited about seeing Beauty and the Beast 3D to sleep, but we’ll see.

I hope you have a nice Friday the 13th.