For a very long time, I was blessed with a broken picker. I had good intentions, but every time I’d start “dating” (in quotations because I’ve probably been on less than ten non-relationship, real dates) I’d pick the absolute wrong guy.
Eventually I just gave up and stopped picking at all, because I realized the problem was me. You can’t pick properly if you’re a hot mess emotionally. Let that be known.
Then I stumbled upon Mr. T and got to thinking that maybe my picker has been rehabilitated. That, or I didn’t pick him and our relationship was fated to be, but either way I think I’ve found a keeper.
I can’t see into the future, and have no idea what will happen with us, but I am confident enough to say that he is the best I’ve ever picked.
Since I started dating Mr. T, I’ve struggled with how to represent our relationship on the blog.
I don’t want to give an inaccurate sense that everything is perfect between us and I don’t want to write about him in every post – because I have a life outside of my relationship – but I also don’t want to brush off something and someone who is so important to me by not talking about him or giving him credit for being a great guy.
I’m by no means an expert in picking now, but I am an expert in picking badly, and I’ve noticed some sharp contrasts between what I’ve found in Mr. T and what I chose in past dud boyfriends.
So yes, this basically an excuse to tell you guys how awesome my boyfriend is, but I won’t do this every day. Promise. And I didn’t post it on Valentine’s Day, so at least I’m not that annoying. Right?
All that being said, I present - Signs that Your Picker is Healthy:
You’d be friends with his friends. This is vitally important. I’ve been in many a relationship, but very rarely did I become good friends with a bf’s friends. Either I was never introduced to them (VERY bad sign), they were older and just hated my youth (downside of dating older, which is something I usually encourage) or they were total douche faces I wanted nothing to do with (most common scenario).
Mr. T and I had been courting for awhile before I began to feel a romantic connection because I was so closed off, but once I met his friends and saw that he hung out with awesome people I loved immediately, I started to sweat him pretty hard. Having non-douche friends is a major turn-on. Life is just so much easier when you like a love interest’s friends and when he likes yours. But more than that, if you abhor every friend someone your dating has, it’s probably a sign that you won’t see eye to eye very often.
He makes you things. There’s a lot of hype about dating rich guys, but I think it’s better to go for the thoughtful and creative ones (bonus points if they’re thoughtful, creative AND rich). The card Mr. T made me for Christmas was a clutch moment. I like stuff. I’m pretty materialistic, if we’re being honest. However, I don’t like getting stuff from boyfriends if I can’t afford to return the favor. And even though I would never turn away diamonds, they’re just not as personal as something that is hand-made just for you.
Your family likes him (before they’ve even met him). Because my picker was broken for so long, I think my family has lowered their standards of who they expect me to bring home. So, when I started talking about Mr. T, I was amused at how enthusiastically everyone responded to him. I was constantly hearing things like, “He sounds like such a nice guy, I like him already” and “I can just tell by looking at his smile (via Facebook stalk, of course) that he’s a good person”. Maybe they’re just eager to marry me off, but I think this says something about my recent upgrade in taste. He’s already impressed people over a thousand miles away.
He never calls you crazy. Ya’ll know I have my issues, and I assure you I can certainly seem crazy at times. BUT, what the fuck is up with guys calling girls crazy when they get emotional? I am an emotional person, and I speak my mind when I’m pissed off/sad/upset or whatever. This has led many an ex-boyfriend to call me crazy. Not cool. Emotions are a part of life, and definitely part of a relationship.
A good pick will accept you, no matter how you express (or don’t express) those emotions (unless it involve throwing things, then the guy may have a point. funny story there, but I digress). A good pick will also listen to you when you tell them about your issues and won’t make you feel like you should be committed.
He has his own things, that he does sober – at least occasionally. In my past two failed relationships, the only hobby my bf’s at the time had was getting drunk. I like to booze, and I like it a lot, but it should never be your only past time. A person who has at least one non-work, non-school passion that they regularly partake in without the influence of alcohol tends to be many things:
Less likely to cheat.
Less likely to treat you like shit.
Less likely to wind up in jail, with you having to fork over bail money.
I could go on, but you get the point. A guy with passions is a good pick.
You have your together things, that neither of you are faking. I have done the whole changing myself to like whatever my boyfriend likes thing a couple times. Sometimes, I even learned to like the thing I was pretending to like. But that’s stupid. And once you’re older than… 18, you have no excuse to be that big of a pushover. A good pick will have several shared interests with you, and you will be able to enjoy those things together with even more enjoyment than you did before.
On a related note, even if your pick doesn’t share an interest in something you love – he’ll still let you love it without mocking it or taking you away from it. You have to have your own things and together things to make it work.
He doesn’t run from your non-negotiables. Mine is that I don’t want kids, may never want kids, and don’t want to be pressured into having kids. I have to put it out there up front, because it’s my non-negotiable. If a guy can’t accept that part of me, then they’re not a good pick. Non-negotiables are… not negotiable. So don’t negotiate.
He doesn’t like Dave Matthews Band. Oh wait, how did that get in there?
How’s your picker?
How much do you hate me for this post?