I hate feeling stupid.
We all do, I’m sure.
Unfortunately, I possess a certain set of characteristics that result in the feeling of stupid more often than I would like.
For instance, I’m not a good driver. I’m not a terrible driver, and I’m getting better, but I do have a propensity to run into inanimate objects.
It hasn’t happened in awhile, but there are little bruises all over my car that remind me of my shortcomings.
It pisses me off.
Another thing that gets me into trouble is that I’m not very observant.
I’m in my head all the time and thinking about a million different things at once, which often results in me doing stupid little things like running into doors or spilling things on myself.
Most of the time, I just laugh it off.
I mean, in many other ways, I’m quite intelligent. I’m good at thinking smart things, and saying smart things – just not so great at DOING smart things.
Whatever, two out of three ain’t bad.
Regardless, I’m the only one who is allowed to make fun of these things I do – in the same way that I’m the only one who is allowed to make fun of my friends or family. If you do it, I will cut you.
Because these are sore subjects for me, and you never know how I’m going to take it.
Sometimes, when I’m in a particularly jovial mood, a little jab at my driving skills will result in outward laugher and inward tears (it always embarrasses me, human nature). But other times, if I’m not in the correct mental space, I will unleash a full-blown hate storm on my verbal assailant. Even if it was a joke, and even if you think it was REALLY funny.
Another thing that really just inflames me, is pointing out the obvious.
Let me paint you a mental picture.
I’m sitting at a table and take a sip of a liquid substance.
Upon trying to accomplish this, I spill said substance all over my person.
Someone then points out, “Hey, you spilled that all over yourself.”
Um, no shit. I did not need your commentary.
So, to be safe: Don’t make fun of how I drive, or how I can’t drink water and walk at the same time – then we’ll all still be friends.