I’m not a very romantic person. At least not anymore.
In my previous relationships, I always expected romance and love in places it was never likely to turn up. With each new love interest, I would imagine that they would be the prince charming that would solve all my real life problems and make everything okay.
I’ve been engaged before, and during that time I used to prospect of marriage as my justification that I was “worth it”. I felt like if I could just get down the isle, I would find my self worth at the end of it.
Obviously, that never happened, and it was definitely the best thing that never happened to me.
Over the years, I’ve learned that love isn’t the solution to any problem. It isn’t the thing that will fill any void in my life. It doesn’t have magic powers.
I remember saying all this to Tom over beers when we first started dating. In the middle of my rant (which probably included a deep discussion on never wanting to have kids) I stopped and told him I was sorry for sounding so pessimistic and cynical. I mean, I wanted him to know what I was all about, but I didn’t want to depress him either.
Instead of being totally freaked out by me, all he said was “you’re not a pessimist, you’re just a realist.”
I am pretty sure I knew at that moment that I was sold on this guy.
Because of his willingness to understand me and accept my crazy, a new sort of romance formed in our relationship. Realistic romance, if you will.
I’ve never expected him to fix anything in my life, but I have allowed him to open my eyes to a lot of new, really good things.
He’s shown me that I’m not unlovable. He’s proven to me that good guys do exist. He’s convinced me to finally let someone be nice to me, and not to be freaked out by it.
He’s not my solution, but he’s definitely been a major enhancement to my life and has brought a lot of light into my sometimes very dark soul.
Because of the very real and honest place we’ve always been in with each other, we have always been open about how we pictured our futures together. There was never really that questioning stage where I felt like the relationship was doomed to fail, or where I had to constantly wonder if we were on the same page.
So engagement and marriage has seemed logical for awhile now. We’ve only been dating for about 13 months, but we’ve been serious pretty much the whole time.
But even though it was expected, it surprised me how romantic and magical the actual proposal was.
Fun fact: he didn’t really have specific plans for when he was going to do it, he just wanted to wait for the right time.
I think the fact that we just happened to have time to tour the OU campus and find our way onto the field is proof that God and the Sooners approve of this marriage.
It just all feels so right.
But I won’t lie and say that I’m not semi-freaking out a little bit about the actual wedding part.
Remember, I’m a people pleaser, so that whole bit about your wedding being “your day” doesn’t really apply to me.
I want my wedding to be everyone’s day. I want everyone to love it and have fun. I want it to be the party of 2013. I want at least one person to get inappropriately drunk and make a scene (although, for once, I would prefer that person not be me).
I also want it to be practical and affordable. So… there’s a lot of work to be done there.
But I’m not freaking out about the getting married part. I will just keep reminding myself that all that matters at the end of the day is that I have found this kick ass person to marry and that’s really all that matters. The rest will all fall into place. Right?
As for the blog, it will probably be unavoidable to completely abstain from wedding-related posts here and there, but they will not be the central focus of what I write here.
I’ll just text, email and Facebook those of you who like me enough to put up with me talking about it for the next twelve months.
Thanks again for all your congratulations. You guys are just the best, ever.
I love this! I think I share your past hopes about love and often like to fantasize about a wonderful guy as the solution to my problems or that I am single because I’m not acting/looking the way a guy would want. Instead, I’m slowly realizing I need the self-worth, confidence, and patience in myself FIRST and maybe a good guy will be out there to accept me. Anyway, just wanted to say Congratulations!! I admire you so much!
Yes, as soon as you can have a totally wonderful relationship with yourself, the relationships with others come so much more naturally. Thanks for your kind words!
I will take one for the team and be the person to get inappropriately drunk and make a scene. You’re welcome
. I’m so excited for you, can’t wait to see you later!
I was also going to volunteer… but since Kelly said she would first, I guess I’ll just let her go ahead. :p
I think we should make it a goal that we do this as a whole group.
That is what I was hoping for. And, truthfully, I’ll probably involved somehow. Let’s not kid ourselves. I can only be appropriate for so long…
I already told you my inappropriate plan. I will need the help of your sister-wives to “get me there”!!
I don’t know if I have the balls to actually go through with it…
I knew I liked this guy from the start.
I think being realistic about relationships is such a big thing, and no one ever does it anymore. Now, to be fair, I do believe 100% that we can all have that head over heels, magical, makes life better kind of love, but it doesn’t just happen. You need to work at it, and you need to be reasonable. I think your realistic expectations are what helped you find your person, recognize it, and put in the effort needed to make it work. And I am just so happy that you did.
Oh, and thanks for the reminder that good guys do exist, because I was actually starting to doubt that and consider purchasing many, many cats.
You totally just said it. You always get me!
Congratulations!!! Also, I actually found your blog again (I use to read it when you lived in Oklahoma) because I was looking for reviews of UPack. I know you were looking to get all your stuff reimbursed? Did they ever do this? Would you say never go with UPACK or was it the Movers company that you would say were at fault? Also, last question, did you use the pods or the trailer? Thanks! And congratulations!!!
NEVER use them! Are you moving cross country? I used a pod, and had a terrible experience with UPACK. They contract out the movers, so you have very little control over the process.
Girl, I am SO happy for you!!!!!!! It sounds like you have found not only an amazing partner but also a best friend who just “gets” you no matter what. Ahhh love it
SO exciting and you SO deserve it ALL!!! XOXOXO from Richmond 
I’m so happy that you found someone that you can be completely honest and yourself with- I’m realizing how important that is. I’m sure planning a wedding in general is a bit daunting, just promise that you’ll make sure that YOU have a good time!
If you, want I can play the guitar and sing Phoebe-style at your wedding. Just throwing that out there.
And I love wedding talk so don’t feel like you can’t put it all out there. It’s a hell of a lot to deal with and I don’t know how I would have got through it all without my friends.
Um, that would be like…. everything.
Just make sure you brush up on your Flaming Lips
Jessica, i so can’t wait to meet you.
haha samesies <3
First off, from one realist to another, I get you.
Secondly, congratulations! I’m so happy for you!
Thirdly, weddings freak me out. I let my mom plan my entire wedding. I don’t regret it!
Haha, I’m sadly too much of a control freak to let that happen.
First off–I hope I can say this and you not get mad, but Tom seems WAAAAAYYYYYYYY better than ol’ dude.
Second–I already knew that your wedding was going to be a HUGE party because that’s who you are and I LOVE that about you! My goal was definitely to get chocolate wasted and low key, became a member of this “sistah wives club”. it needs a real “sistah” to be complete.
Third–I’ve already told you a kazillion times, but seriously, i am ecstatic for your engagement. It’s beautiful to read/know that you knew from the beginning that he was the one. I knew he was the one because sorta kinda look just alike. I’m just saying…Congratulations, congratulations, congratulations!
Haha, of course you can say it. He’s definitely an upgrade.
I am so, so, SO happy for you. You have definitely found your perfect person and you deserve all this unadulturated joy coming your way. Seriously. You’re amazing, and you should have amazing things in your life. You also give me hope with all of this “there’s still good guys out there” talk….from your lips to god’s ears.
ENJOY this time! And I’ll gladly listen about your wedding : )
They are out there! Promise.
One of my only wedding regrets is that I got too drunk. Trust me, let it be someone else! At least that day.
Haha, that is very good advice
I know I just started reading your blog, but I am truly soo excited for you. It sounds like you’ve found someone who lets you be you and loves you for it! Because of that – everything else will definitely fall into place!
Congrats to you!
I am really happy for you. Enjoy everything that comes with being engaged!
“He’s not my solution, but he’s definitely been a major enhancement to my life”
I think that’s all we can ask of a partner. Congratulations again!