I learned a valuable lesson yesterday.
Insomniacs should never eat chocolate covered espresso beans.
Additionally, if you open a tin of chocolate covered espresso beans and a half dozen of them fall on the floor – you shouldn’t observe the five second rule and eat them anyways.
This is all to say that I didn’t sleep last night, so the probability of this post being at all coherent is low.
Anyway, I thought I’d write a little bit about the wedding planning process thus far, from my usual slightly neurotic perspective.
Most of you know that this is not the first wedding that I’ve planned. In 2007, I planned almost an entire wedding (everything but the invitations, which I thankfully never ordered or sent out).
At the time, it seemed really easy. Now that I look back on it, that was probably because no one really thought the wedding was going to happen and didn’t really feel the need to get too involved.
This time around, I’ve snagged a good guy. And I’m older (and everyone is still holding out false hope that me getting married means I’m going to produce offspring) so I that is causing people to take it more seriously.
And by taking it seriously, I mean getting very involved. And you know what? That’s fine. I like hearing what people think I should do, because honestly the only thing that matters to me is that people have a good time, that the food and alcohol is plentiful and tasty and that I get to marry someone I love.
(Okay, and that I look the hottest I’ve ever looked. There’s got to be a tad bit of selfishness and vanity in there somewhere.)
The last time, I was trying to prove to everyone that I was okay after everything that had gone on with my family, so I felt the wedding needed to be a lot more impressive and important.
This time I don’t really need any validation, so I’m much less worried about the end result. Other than the getting married part.
Marriage > the wedding
As far as why someone who previously claimed to have serious commitment issues and doesn’t want kids is so excited to get married, well I don’t really have a clear cut answer to that besides the fact that it’s just what I want with Tom, because he’s the best. And if I want it, and he wants it, then it makes enough sense to me.
It still feels like it’s going to cost a million dollars just to get 100 of our friends and family together and celebrate, but I am doing whatever I can to keep the costs to a reasonable amount so that we can enjoy our post wedding lives to the fullest and not have mountains of debt to deal with.
I’m even wearing the wedding dress I bought for the last go ’round (if I can fit into it). I get mixed reviews on whether this is “bad juju” or not, but I picked the dress because I loved it – not for my ex. Plus, why would I buy another expensive dress when I already have one at the ready?
So with all my calm, rational feelings about this wedding not having to be the end all be all of weddings, you’d think there would be no cause for stress, right?
Well, not really. Because when there are a lot of people involved, there are a lot of people to make happy. And I don’t mean that these people think that they should get their way or that they make the wedding all about them. I just mean that everyone has an opinion, and in my warped mind I feel like I have to make every opinion come to fruition or I’ll be a bad bride.
People always say that it’s the one day to do whatever YOU want, but what I want is honestly for everyone to be happy and have a good time. Beyond that I really don’t care if the bridesmaids dresses all match (they get to pick their own) or if doves fly at the end or any of that other stuff.
Aside from having someone check my wedding dress five times to make sure no spiders are hiding in the tulle (I have already had nightmares about this happening), I don’t really plan to get very diva about the whole process.
What I will freak out about is if anyone is bored, or the food sucks, or someone doesn’t get invited that should have (because we can’t afford to invite the whole world).
I’m a pathetic doormat. I know this.
Luckily, I’ve found a loophole to avoid nervous breakdowns.
Turns out, Tom is very good at wedding planning. His logical nature and pleasant phone voice are working wonders.
We make all of the decisions together, but he’s the front man. He’s actually the one who has been in touch with the event coordinator at the venue we chose. I haven’t even spoken with her.
Know what that means? If anyone gets mad at me, I can just blame him!
Kidding. Mostly.
We’ve been engaged less than a month but have already settled on a date, picked a venue (for the ceremony and reception, same place), picked our colors, set up hotels blocks for guests and created a budget.
Tom has done most of the heavy lifting. I mainly just man the lists and the correspondence with my side of the family and he makes the important phone calls and keeps me from freaking out too much.
Like I said, I snagged a good guy this time.
Bottom line: I’m actually getting married, everyone will be well fed and happy, and I will look amazing.
And if someone doesn’t have fun, it’s not my fault.
Unless everyone has a blast, in which case I did everything and you’re welcome.
Sigh, Tom sounds lovely and so perfect for you. I could not be happier
Alright I’m about to get all sappy on you right now.
Your relationship with Tom gives me hope for the world. It makes me less sad and depressed about my own lackluster love life because I know there must be someone for me because the two of you were lucky enough to find each other and be perfect together (or at least love each other enough to overlook the imperfections).
I cannot tell you enough how happy I am for you and I love you so so much
Side note: Please have an open bar so that I can drunk and hook up with one of Tom’s cousins, k?
I love youuuuuuuuuu.
I agree with Steph. Totally.
From what we’ve been told, you guys have something solid and wonderful. It’s a great balance that not a lot of people can ever seem to find.
And your wedding could be at a McDonald’s parking lot and still be the best thing ever because everyone there will be happy to celebrate and be there with you. Party on, dude.
Filets of fish for all! Now that would be some solid catering.
I think I’m in love with your fiance. I’m so glad you found such a good guy, from what I can tell, you two seem like such a perfect fit for each other. It makes me a little less concerned about my inability to find a guy that isn’t a complete tool.
And you know, I think you could probably have your wedding anywhere, and it would be perfect. The people that love you just want you to be happy, and seeing you with this amazing man who is so great for you, and loves you exactly as you are, that’s what will make it the best wedding ever.
He really has a way of making everyone love him. I wish I had that same quality, haha.
And I hope you’re right on that last part.
Wow, you guys really DO seem to complement each other really well! I’m sure your wedding will be awesome and you have your head on straight about the whole process. Happy for you.
I wouldn’t say it’s on straight, but at least it’s still on!
When you are married 12 + years like me you’ll remember very little about that kid who screamed during the ceremony and the ice sculpture that melted too early. Trust me…Marriage is definitely > than wedding.
That’s what I’m counting on. Thanks
I think everything will be fab because you have the exact right attitude – marriage > wedding. Not a lot of women get that….speaking as a frequent bridesmaid.
Oh yeah and I want a “tom”.
Haha, maybe I should work on mass producing him? I could be sitting on a fortune here…
Your wedding is going to be amazing. Why? Because it sounds like you and Tom have an amazing relationship and all of that good energy is going to shine through and penetrate every little detail. Ahhh!! I’m so excited for you!!!
i LOVE it that you are going to wear the original wedding dress. h. x
now that I’ve officially met Tom, I can go ahead and give you my blessing on allowing another man into the circle of SW’s. I accept him with open arms. Having said that, I will cut him if he ever steps out of line. Which he won’t bc he’s perfect
CAN’T WAIT FOR OUR…errr… YOUR FIRST DANCE!
That’s what I was waiting for. Not sure I’d have been able to get down the aisle without your blessing
I love your laid-back approach to your wedding! It’s refreshing and I really hope I can have that same attitude someday. It’s an important day, but people get just too caught up in everything and forget that marriage>wedding. I love that you’re wearing your original dress and that you even kept it. That’s awesome and smart. Sounds like you got yourself a wonderful future husband. I look forward to hearing more about your planning and wedding!
I just hope I still like it! I haven’t seen it in 5 years, haha.
Yes to marriage > wedding. I hated wedding planning.
People will have fun no matter what. I mean, have you ever been to a non-fun wedding? (Don’t answer that if the answer is yes.) There are so many little details that people obsess about (and by people, I mean my parents) that don’t even matter. It’s the celebration of two people that are in love and ready to spend the rest of their lives together that’s important, not the color of the table linens.
You sound like you have the right attitude!
Haha, I won’t answer that… But yeah, I know that a few months after no one will remember it, let alone a few years, so that helps me keep things in perspective. Also, we don’t get to pick colors of table linens, so that’s cool. One less decision to make!
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